Seven Reasons Everyone Wants To See Lindsay Lohan As Ana in Fifty Shades of Grey

Over the last six or eight months, the ballyhoo over "Fifty Shades of Grey" the book has mostly quieted down. It's been replaced by ballyhoo over casting for the Fifty Shades of Grey movie. In fact, the ballyhoo started off full steam last summer and has hardly lost a beat all the way the present.

I have studiously, perhaps stupidly, ignored these stories (except for my April Fools post) since it was all baseless speculation. You can tell it's baseless speculation because practically every actor and actress in the United States and Europe has been put forth as a likely lead for the movie.

But I have finally encountered a speculation I can't resist: this report that Lindsay Lohan may be, or perhaps should be, interested in being the female lead for Fifty Shades of Grey. And the reason I can't resist it is there are SO many reasons for wanting Lindsay Lohan to be the lead.

Seven Reasons Everyone Wants To See Lindsay Lohan As Ana in Fifty Shades of Grey

1) From the viewpoint of the producers, actors, etc., involved in the movie, if it's a bomb, they can just blame it on Lindsay. At this point, who wouldn't believe it?

2) With all the drugs she's done and all she's gone through, she's probably be willing to do ANY kind of scene, we're talking right up to and including a full double-dildo Savage Fold with flaming dachshunds and the Mormon Tabernacle Choir.

3) She's probably ENJOY doing such scenes, and her enjoyment would probably show through and make the role work for her.

4) Even if you don't think she's hot and you hate her for all the weird stuff she's done, you STILL might want to see her in handcuffs and a ballgag with a butt plug up her ass.

5) If you DO think she's hot, you ALSO might want to see her in handcuffs and a ballgag with a butt plug up her ass.

6) If you hated the book and hate the very IDEA of the movie, you might just want her in the lead in the hopes that she'd fuck the movie up royally with some stupid new antic. The insurance premiums alone ...

7) Americans love comeback stories, and dammit, a comeback story with Lindsay Lohan triumphing in a role that has her tied up and fucked senseless is JUST what this country needs, dammit!

Fifty Shades of Yoga

There's a fascinating Facebook page called 50 Shades of Yoga which makes an interesting connection between sexual bondage and yoga. Now let me start by making this very clear: I know very little about yoga, I'm not speaking as an expert on yoga.

Still, there's a certain superficial visual similarity between yoga and some of the more extreme bondage poses. The 50 Shades of Yoga page seeks to establish some greater similarity, but I'm not informed enough on the subject to make any judgements along those lines. Read the page and decide for yourself.

I found the 50 Shades of Yoga through a post on a the Elephant Journal blog that completely condemned it. The Elephant Journal post is by someone who teaches and practices yoga, and she's cheesed about it because she feels it's wrong to conflate bondage and yoga, or most forms of sexiness and yoga. She says, "This is the shit that makes men wiggle their eyebrows and make inappropriate comments and passes at me simply because I teach yoga. I’m a yoga teacher, not a whore."

I completely missed the meme about yoga instructors being whores, or whore-like. I had more a picture of them as spiritual, new-Agey, sometimes ditzy folks, generally focused on being healthy mentally and physically, in a sexy sort of way. Frankly, the contortions yoga practitioners go through look too difficult and uncomfortable to make me think of sex. (I honestly have the same problem with extreme bondage poses, they look so uncomfortable I have trouble thinking them sexy, even though the women are naked and tied up, though I realize that the women who are thusly bound are probably either flexible enough to handle them readily, or kind of enjoying the pain, or both).

Sure, the women who practice yoga are sexy and slinky and bendy and probably very good in bed, but it never struck me as what yoga is ABOUT, I mean, most forms of physical exercise and sports that women engage in make them slinky and sexy and are also venues for male fantasies, but that's not what they're ABOUT.

Still the visual similarity is intriguing, and fun to think about in an entirely salacious way. Check out the my post on this topic on my Politically Sexy blog for a thoroughly NSFW illustrated version.

Why Do the Bluenoses Rage?

"What, me, porn?"

Ran across a story about a schoolteacher who bought a student a copy of Fifty Shades of Grey. A private school teacher named Roger Aidoo bought a copy of Fifty Shades of Grey for a 14 year old male student, who had requested the book as part of an extracurricular reading assignment.

The student's mother, Maya Ladson, did not think this was an appropriate thing for the teacher to do, and complained to the school about it. Fair enough, the school administrators hauled Aidoo in, gave him the third degree, and were apparently satisfied with his story that he was not all that familiar with the fact that Fifty Shades of Grey contained lots of explicit BDSMy sex.

Ladson, however, ain't buying it. She wants Aidoo fired. But the administrators, in a rare display of scholarly backbone, aren't firing him over the irate cries of one crazed bluenosed mom.

Here's my take on the story. Buying the kid a copy of Fifty Shades of Grey was a boneheaded move by the teacher. But it's not a firing offense. Hell, any kid with access to a computer can find porn that will make Fifty Shades of Grey look like Rebecca of Sunnybrook Farm. So the appropriate thing to do is to haul Aidoo in and tell him, "That was a really stupid thing to do, and if you do anything remotely like it in the future, we are going to fire you so hard and fast it will make you head spin. Now get out of here, you knucklehead."

The interesting thing is why Lawson's panties got totally bunched up over this. Bluenoses seem to get worked up over sex-related matters orders of magnitude more than regular people do. That's why they have so much influence, I suppose. I suspect that bluenoses are people who have attempted to repress their own sex drives in various ways, and every sexual thing that comes along is just a huge irritant to them, whereas it just does not bother the less sexually repressed. They're pains in the asses and generally useless, and it would be a shame if Mr. Aidoo lost his job because he irritated a bluenose. He would hardly be the first if he did, however.

Fork U: Cosmo's Horrible BDSM Sex Tips Inspired By Fifty Shades of Grey

As Midori and others have noted, Fifty Shades of Grey has been an overall good thing because it's allowed people to start talking in public about BDSM without the endless EEEEEWW bookending that once had to surround any commentary about BDSM in the mainstream media.

But this is not an unalloyed good thing. When the conversation opens up, everybody gets into it. At least now the conversation can be balanced between the knowledgeable and the not knowledgeable and not totally dominated by the witless old dinosaurs of media that once dominated the conversation. But now you'll get voices like your horny post college grad little sister who thinks she knows everything about sex and intimacy because shes' been on a few dates and fucked a few boys, but really doesn't know a hell of a lot, but that won't stop her from telling you how to do EVERYTHING sexual.

In the media, that would be Cosmopolitan magazine. So I was delighted when I found this hilarious, wonderfully snarky article on Nerve.com about 17 really stupid pieces of BDSM sex tips from Cosmo. I was chortling, guffawing and sniggering throughout. Check out tip number four if you don't believe me ... then go read the article.

4. "Press a fork (firmly, but don’t break the skin or anything) into different parts of his body — his butt cheeks, his pecs, his thighs."
This was clearly written at lunchtime, after a morning spent rummaging around the office for kinkspiration. Rejected options: "Hold a blueberry muffin in your fist and punch him in the mouth." "Pretend to be a naughty piece of printer paper and tell him to 'staple' you." "Act like a PDF and order him to 'fax me hard.' Make all relevant noises."
Incidentally, if the women who read Cosmo need to be cautioned against stabbing someone with a fork hard enough to break the skin, then their partners are going to need more than a safe word.

Captain Underpants Tops Fifty Shades of Grey

According to reports from the Associated Press, EL James' Fifty Shades of Grey ranked only number four on the American Library Association's "challenged books" list, i.e., their list of the books most frequently complained about by parents, educators and other bluenoses. Topping the list at number one is Dav Pilkey's "Captain Underpants" series of books, the adventures of a superhero toddler in a comic book created by two fourth graders, who accidentally becomes real (it's complicated).

The AP seems vaguely surprised that Captain Underpants topped Fifty Shades and all the others, but really, they should not have been. Have you ever SMELLED a toddler? Periodically, on the basis of smell alone, they can out-offend anything that is not either a skunk or dead, or a dead skunk. Fifty Shades never had a chance against THAT level of offensiveness. I totally sympathize with those who do not wish to be reminded of the sensitive issue of toddler stinkiness via a provocative title like "Captain Underpants."

My personal solution, however, is not to read such books. That's why I'm not a bluenose ... just a regular sort of nose that does not like the smell of toddlers.

Teagan Rand's Slave Harems of Xhagia Series Could Have Been The Natural Successor To Fifty Shades ... Except For All That Bukkake ...

Chained, collared and wearing a boustier ... soon to be a very sticky boustier! Image source: Cover of "A Slave Girl for the Emperor" the first book in the four-part Slave Harems of Xhagia series.

I am a sucker for combining fantasy/science fiction themes and bondage themes, let's just put that right out there. Anybody who has read almost all of the Gor novels can reasonably be suspected of being that.

THAT must be why I've read all four of Teagan Rand's “Slave Harems of Xhagia” books, because I DEFINITELY never intended to read all of them. I just planned to buy that first book and move on. Well to be honest, the REAL reason, and as an erotica writer I'm almost ashamed to admit it, but it's true and I gotta keep it real … I got hooked on the plot. Between an arresting and interesting plot, an intriguing universe and a smooth writing style that makes turning the pages very, very easy, I got hooked.

Set in the not too distant future, Slave of the Emperor and its successor books deals with the adventures of Christine Berenger, one of many women who have been kidnapped by slavers of a vast interstellar empire known as the Xhagian Empire, to serve as slavegirls in the harems and bordellos of Xhagia.

OK, I hear you already … I thought the same thing myself … “Another damn story of aliens who want our Earth women … what the hell … well it IS porn … er, erotica ...”

But here is where Teagan Rand proves she is made of better stuff than your average pornifier. Tuns out the Xhagians and humans are both descendents of an ancient race called the Valk who died out about 25 million years ago, and seeded the galaxy with a variety of humanoid races for some mysterious reason that's essential to the plot – and no, this review will not contain any spoilers, this is all established early on.

So the cross-species attraction is understandable, as is the fact that Xhagian males are taller, handsomer version of Earthmen … they're basically both subspecies of the Valk.

What's more, Valk males and Earth females find each other tremendously sexually attractive ... also for reasons that are essential to the plot.

This is what really made me sit up and take notice of Rand's books. Instead of using the science fiction background as the thinnest of tissues to hold together her story of the romance between Christine and the Xhagian slaver Dalgaz Tav, and all the hot slavegirl sex that she and the other slaves have with him and other handsome Xhagian men, Rand thought her background through in such a way that it's essential to and supports the story, making it stronger.

This is a good thing because although the "Slave in the..." series is FULL of submissive slavegirly goodness, and includes some bondage, its central fetish is, well ... bukkake. Bukkake is not a fetish I enjoy, nor is it ever likely to become one, I mean .... YECH! But it seems that the sperm of Xhagians has some property that renders Earth slaves orgasmicallly ecstatic for prolonged periods, and it only takes contact with the skin to make this orgasmy goodness manifest itself. And the Xhagian men produce lots and lots of sperm, much more than Earth men. They also have a very short refractive period and like to have sex a LOT.

Think of them as the the male equivalent of the big-breasted bimbos who want to have sex with everyone as soon as possible who show up in male porn. And the sperm of Xhagian men is so powerful and effective on human female psyches that its effects are ninety percent of what it takes to transform the captive Earth women into lust-bedazzled sex sluts, reduced to panting wanton slavegirls without much need for lashing or punitive treatment of any kind. It's all about the sperm, baby!

What's more, the Xhagian men find the Earth women VERY attractive, more attractive in fact than Xhagian females, who are only interested in sex when they are fertile and ready to conceive children. And instead of being jealous, the Xhagian women are pleased that the Earth women are keeping their men from being all sexually wound up when the Xhagian women are not interested in sex, which is basically, most of the time.

And of course, these books are essentially romances. Dalgaz Tav, the male lead, is that rarest of all creatures, a slaver with a heart of gold. He might be charged with picking out the prettiest Earth women kidnapped by Xhagian slavers for the Emperor's harem and transforming them into total hose beasts for use by the Emperor, but he CARES about those women, by gum. He and Christine soon develop strong feelings for one another, but can a romance between the top slaver in the Xhagian Empire and a lowly human slavegirl really work out? I'll never tell … read the books if you want to find out!

Keeping the Emperor's and others' harems and bordellos full is why the Xhagian slavers constantly raid Earth for women to stock their harems and bordellos, but it's germane to the plot in more than one way, for there is a mysterious relationship between Earth humans and Xhagians that plays out over the course of the four books in the series that is essential to the plot.

This is what really impresses me about Rand's writing. There are a lot of erotica writers who can write a convincing sex scene, but most miss out on the tremendous potential of science fiction and fantasy to make erotic stories more powerful and believable. She worked out the way the genetics and customs of the Xhagians and humans affect her characters and her story and makes it work FOR the story, sometimes in surprising ways. This is a hallmark of good science fiction and fantasy writing, when the writer does not use their fantastic or futuristic plot elements merely as props for the story but works out how they would affect their world.

Larry Niven is a great example of this. He predicted flash mobs before they happened, because he envisioned a society that had instant communications and instant transportation because they had teleporters, and he wondered how that would affect how ordinary people behaved. He decided they'd use them to form crowds out of nowhere just for fun and parties. And of course, flash mobs are people who use cell phones out of nowhere, they just use more mundane transportation.

Niven's thinking-through of his futuristic ideas even on aspects that aren't central to the plot is what characterizes really great science fiction, it adds a very nice density and richness to your story.

And Rand's thinking through of the different sexuality and genetics and culture of the Xhagians add nicely to her story. I wish she had thought the Xhagians through in other respects, they're basically technically advanced ancient Romans in outer space in other respects, which does make the story seem a little thin at times.

There's just one element where Rand falls down in terms of world-building, and its' a pet peeve of mine, so I'm going to have to bring it up though I doubt it will matter much to most readers. Rand's Xhagian Empire is pretty much ancient Rome in outer space, with a heredity emperor presiding over a court full of nobles who scheme to become Emperor themselves, generally without success.

Now, see … interstellar empires and heredity aristocracies just don't go well together. If you are going to have an interstellar empire ruled by an hereditary aristocracy set in the distant future, you need to explain why a civilization so technically advanced is being run by a type of government that is clearly archaic even to a bunch of planetbound types like us contemporary Earthlings.

I mean, believing that the best man to govern is automatically going to be the firstborn son of the current ruler implies a certain ignorance of genetics, y.know?

I'm not saying you can't HAVE aristocracies running interstellar empires, I'm saying gimme some handwaving, baby. You know, something along the lines of “although the Xhagians were well aware of the problems posed by succession in an hereditary aristocracy, all other forms of government had proven unworkable due to the Xhagian males' fierce competitiveness, which quickly transformed any government based on merit, popularity or other objective standard into a festering hellhole ruled by paranoid warlords. Aristocracies were stupid, but they weren't as stupid as chaotic hellholes full of rival warlords. It was a matter of government by lesser evil.”

Was that so hard?

In addition to all this, there are hints that Christine is not the simple kidnapped slavegirl she seems to be. She has memories of her childhood on Earth, but she has no memory of how she came to be captured in the raid of the Xhagian slavers, or of the days leading up to those events, though there are disturbing dreams that may point to an answer. And there's a religious cult that is gaining power that thinks the way the human slave girls are being treated by the Xhagians is all wrong … they think they should be treated considerably worse!

Rand, in short, really knows how to stir a plot and keep it going, and can write a pretty good slavegirly submissive sex scene. To be fair, for about half of book three and almost all of book four I kind of skimmed the sex scenes, because1) I'm not into bukkake and 2) there's little or no bondage and 3) not all that much slavegirliness stuff to interest me and 4) the plot had cut in big time and that was what I was really interested in.

Frankly, the Xhagian sperm has the effect of making all the slavegirls so happy and eager to have sex with Xhagian men that you kind of get the impression they'd be paying the Xhagian men to have sex with them if they had any money. This eliminates some of the dramatic tension you have in bondage and BDSM, which was especially a problem in the first and second books when the plot had not fully cut in, and so the books were kind of dull until the plot really got rolling in the last half of the second book. (The set up for the world, the society, Christine's situation, etc., keeps you going easily enough through the first book).

I guess what I am saying is, I would have liked to have seen Christine and the other harem slaves struggling more with their new status as slavegirls, despite the effect of Xhagian sperm on their psyches. Hell, have them seriously puzzled and disturbed by what is happening to them. (Christine does have issued with her enslavement, as do the other harem slaves, but not enough to make the harem girls' experience seem all that slavish … it's more like they are a bunch of happy consensual bukkake fetishists who occasionally have a brief doubt about what they are doing. Not exactly the stuff of sex slavery.)

That said, it's still a fine series of erotic books. They cost just $2.50 each in their Kindle editions, and they run to about 2000 Kindle pages, which of course are not the same as paperback pages. I'm not sure if it was a long novella or a short novel I read, but I definitely didn't feel shorted, because it was a fun ride and it took a while.

I would say that if you like bukkake as a fetish, buy this book NOW. You could not spend your entertainment dollar more wisely.

If you like generally sexy science fiction, also a very good use of your two bucks fifty, because these books are that. On a stick.

If you like sexy slavegirl themes with a strong element of romance, but aren't into the whole heavy bondage thing, these books are also likely to be winners for you. (The slavegirl themes are undoubtedly what kept me reading because …)

If you like bondage, the books are more problematical, there just isn't that much of it. True, the slavegirls are often thoroughly bound and gagged when they are transported from one location to another, and a couple of passages make it clear that the slavegirls are taught to serve while in restraints, but they don't do a hell of a lot of serving while in restraints or being restrained while not serving. I'd still risk the $2.50 on the first book. The sexy slavegirliness might work for you, too.

If you like bondage with a strong element of drama, with the slavegirl fighting it all the way, including fighting her own feelings … these books might not be your cuppa.

All that said, I may not be the best guide for this books' intended audience, as they are definitely romances and I'm a guy. But they're definitely sexy enough to be in the zone of erotica a guy would enjoy reading. I've given you my honest reactions to the books to the best of my ability, which is about all I can do. Read the books and decide for yourself!

And for Teagan Rand, I've got just one bit of advice, perhaps self-serving but I think absolutely accurate: Bukkake just is NOT that popular a fetish. If you want to sell more books, try working a more popular fetish. May I suggest bondage? Fifty Shades of Grey sold seventy million copies, and your books could be the books all those women turn to when they look around for more Fifty Shades of Grey sort of fun reading. You are definitely a good enough writer to grab that brass ring. But you will not succeed by flogging a fetish that has most of your readers going "Eeeew!" and wanting to take a shower.

Ian McKellan, Hellen Mirren Leads In Fifty Shades of Grey Movie?

Ian McKellan and Helen Mirren: inside track for Fifty Shades leads? Image sources: the Interwebs.

The little birds at Universal Pictures are all atwitter with the news that the studio may be preparing a surprising tasty treat in the form of an "M&M" for fans of the naughty novel known as Fifty Shades of Grey. The insiders at the studio are saying that Ian McKellan and Helen Mirren are very much in the running to play Christian Grey and Anastasia Steele.

Our ultra-secret, ultra-knowledgeable sources say that Universal has heard the complaints from some parties that at 21, Anastasia is young to be engaging in lustful, depraved, kinky sex practices, and that it was ridiculous to say a man could be a self-made billionaire while still in his twenties, so they made an imaginative leap and decided to go with someone completely at the other end of the age spectrum.

And don't be fearful that this casting move heralds backing off from the sexy hijinks portrayed in the book, fans, because word is that Mirren and McKellan are both eager and raring to go. Mirren, quite the hottie in her younger days and always ready to doff her clothing at the drop of an innuendo, and McKellan, who is gay in real life, will have absolutely no compunction about getting it on in ways that will leave audience's brains begging for bleach. And let's face it, at their respective ages, the ropes and chains will help a lot, giving them something to hang on to while they give their all.

And word is, if Mirren and McKellan turn the roles down, there's always Bette Midler and Mickey Rooney waiting in the wings.

EL James Sexy Tweet Game

Are those your hands on my breasts are are you just looking for some easy innuendo, Christian?

Increasingly, the big Internet aggregators are publishing the same boring crap published by mainstream magazines -- regurgitated press releases, articles that are pretty much copies of what all the other big aggregators are publishing (example: "Everyone is all abuzz over the new rumor that (blank) is being considered to be cast as Ana in the Fifty Shades of Grey movie!) and well, generic, boring, inoffensive crap.

So when I see an article that has some element of originality, even on a big aggregator site, I'll happily point it out. Here's a nice article: a writer has noticed that EL James likes to put a little sexual innuendo in her tweets, so she put up some actual tweets by James and made up some fake tweets. You have to guess which is which. Enjoy!

Seventy Million Copies Sold, Oh My!

"I know you want to scream in pleasure, Anna, but we must keep you silenced!"
"Then why are you using a ring gag, Christian?"
"I'm sure I can think of something to put in that ring in your mouth to silence you, Ana." Image source: Public Disgrace.com.

A recent article in Jezebel.com has announced that Fifty Shades of Grey, having sold 70 million copies in 2012 (half of them ebook sales) singlehandedly helped the Bertelsman group (the company that owns Random House) maintain overall group profit levels despite stagnant conditions in its TV, magazine, and music publishing businesses.

I'm very pleased that Fifty Shades has been so successful, it's my hope that it ushers in a whole new era of acceptance and enjoyment of kinky erotic romances, even if some publishers are trying to prevent that. But Jezebel.com is a lot more conflicted on the topic of Fifty Shades. On the one hand, they probably understand that many of their readers bought and enjoyed Fifty Shades. On the other hand, a lot of their readers, either because they are antisex gender feminists who hate any depiction of maledom/femsub anything, or are lit-crit types who can't tolerate sexy romances and the slutty women who read them, absolutely HATE Fifty Shades of Grey.

That's why I love the article, because short as it is it almost explodes with the tension between happily reporting Fifty Shades' success, and snarking the hell out of its success. The article has snark going in opposite directions. On the one hand, it describes Fifty Shades of Grey as "E.L. James' cult sadomasochistic masterwork" implying it's a cultish porn novel (that Somehow sold 70 million copies). But it also takes a slam at the lit-crit crowd, pointing out that Fifty Shades' high level of ebook sales may be because unlike other books, it invites "the book-shaming eyerolls of MFA-holding Barnes & Noble cashiers."

A nice commentary on our economy, the value of a Master of Fine Arts degree, and the probable status of the lit-crit crowd's louder voices.

A very tasty bit of writing, very revealing to the discerning eye. Enjoy!

Interesting Analysis of Fifty Shades

A writer name Nathan Branford has written an interesting analysis of Fifty Shades of Grey. I liked it because it seemed honest. He clearly, actually read the book, came up with his own ideas about it. He correctly saw it as coming out of the romance novels' Byronic romance tradition, and that it's not as badly written as the lit-crit types keep complaining, but he kind of ignores/dances around the BDSM aspects of the novels. Like, he completely misses the fact that the readers just DIVED IN to the kinky aspects of the story.

It's very much the response of a vanilla type who hasn't thought things through and doesn't really want to confront the kink, but it's honest. That's refreshing.

Nothing Happening in Fifty Shades Land

Today my flying monkeys pulled in a dozen stories related to 50 Shades of Grey. One was about Mila Kunis not playing the female lead. A second was about Kate Moss reading from Fifty Shades of Grey. The rest are all about Emma Watson issuing a tweet that says she will not play the lead in Fifty Shades of Grey. Ten different reports about that. That means there's no news out there about Fifty Shades of Grey worth reporting, or someone would would haved reported it. Carry on!

Another Writer Prefaces Comments On Fifty Shades of Grey with "Have Not Read It"

The Wall Street Journal's Speakeasy section has a post where an indie moviemaker, Kieran Evans, compares his indie film, "Karen+Victor," which apparently has a femdom/malesub relationship, to Fifty Shades of Grey ... which he prefaces by saying, "I've never read Fifty Shades of Grey." But ... he's heard a lot about it, so that's all right.

I wrote a response to his post, because I'm really sick of all these people who never read the book confidently going out there and making fools of themselves by getting their facts all wrong and, of course, drawing wrong conclusions. So I straightened him out on a few points:

I have not seen your film, know very little about it, so I can't say if it's any good or not, and won't. If only you would be as fair to Fifty Shades of Grey. Anyone who says they have not read the book and then makes pronunciations about it loses all credibility, in my opinion. You get basic facts wrong: you said, " While the sex act may be viewed by outsiders as “S&M,” unlike “50 Shades” these two people have never before been involved in BDSM culture." Well the fact is that Ana is a virgin at the start of Fifty Shades of Grey and had never had ANY experience with BDSM. So ... poor comparison

Also, Fifty Shades is not ABOUT a maledom/femsub sex. Both Ana and Christian enjoy the sex, but the central story of the relationship is how Christian tries to set up their relationship as a purely contractual relationship, and how Ana refuses it, and it evolves into something more like a regular romantic relationship. That's really what it's ABOUT, the sex, while important, is not the central element because there's no conflict over it ... they both like it.

Now all you need to have said to make the point that your movie is different from Fifty Shades is that the relationship in your movie is femdom/malesub (i.e., it's Karen who does the tying-up) whereas in Fifty Shades it's maledom/femsub. Gender makes a huge difference to MOST (not all) who like BDSM, and for the readers of the romances and erotic romances, who enjoy maledom/femsub stories. You're in a different genre already. But I get the impression you don't know that, which is another strike against your credibility.

Welcome!

Welcome to Fifty Shades of Grey Considered, a blog that will look at the Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy as a media and social phenomenon. I've been watching Fifty Shades of Grey happen for the last 18 months as it went from a curious publishing anomaly to something that has "distorted the adult book market" as one disgruntled competing publisher put it. I've been posting articles about it over on my main blog, Politically Sexy, for the entire time, and it's occurred to me that I've written enough posts about Fifty Shades of Grey that I might as well start my own blog on the topic. Therefore, this blog.

Basically, I am a big fan of Fifty Shades of Grey as a phenomenon. Romance novels don't interest me all that much, being a guy, but I do like the kinky, and I also like the way that Fifty Shades of Grey arose from fanfic rather than being foisted on readers by some big corporate publishing entity. (I know that Random House is the official publisher of the Fifty Shades books, but they only negotiated for the rights to publish the novel in traditional media after it had become a bestseller as an ebook, beating out THEIR books with all their marketing muscle behind them.)

I'm also interested in it as a social phenomenon, a genuine grassroots success whose 65 million copies sold worldwide indicates a definite interest in kinky reading fun among the "soccer moms" who were its primary audience. And though the books definitely had Random House's considerable money and marketing muscle behind them, they faced considerable hostility from many groups with vested interests: ordinary prudes who didn't like the strong sexual content, feminist prudes who didn't like the maledom/femsub relationship between Christian and Ana, literary types who hated that a romance novel was kicking ass in the marketplace with unparalleled success, less successful writers (i.e., almost all writers) who resented the books' success when THEIR work was OBVIOUSLY better, and smaller groups of people with various social and political axes to grind.

And I LOVED the way the soccer moms just kept on buying, reading and enjoying the Fifty Shades of Grey books without the least concern for all the media types badmouthing it. I felt a sense of renewed faith in readers' willingness to follow their own tastes, and I savored the media types' frustrated anger as they were unable to control the readers.

It was a delicious experience, and this blog is my attempt to share it with you, and speculate on what comes next ... and no, I'm not just talking about who will be cast in the movie.

OH, yeah, and the artwork? It'll be redone. I think I've nailed Ana: bright, fit, shapely, happy ... but I got an off-the-rack Christian Steele avatar in Second Life, and ... nope, just not right.

Slate's Saletan: Dinosaur Stupidity or Hatchet Job?

First published on 3/9/13

Well I brought you a bit of dinosaur-stupid reporting on BDSM from ABC News online a few weeks ago, and now Slate has decided to follow suit with a truly boneheaded blog post from William Saletan stating that BDSM will NEVER gain popular acceptance.

But I wonder if the post was simple boneheadedness. Sure, he spoke from dire ignorance that got his ass thoroughly kicked in the comments section and also provoked a pretty good ass kicking in this detailed response to his post on buzzfeed.

But there was some sneaky, subtle use of language in the post that made me think it was more of a hatchet job than a simple case of stupid meets sexy. Particularly Saletan's use of the phrase "consensual domestic abuse" to describe consensual kink. What a wonderfully sleazy bit of misdirection! This disgusting phrase links consensual kink and domestic abuse as if one were not the opposite of the other. Abuse is by its very nature nonconsensual. It's like saying "cold hot" or "good bad."

But if you don't like BDSM in the first place, or are butt-ignorant about it, you might just let the phrase slide. After all, women's shelters in England have recycled Fifty Shade of Grey as toilet paper, their leadership also having problems with detecting the difference between consensual and nonconsensual.

Saletan also makes the dubious claim that Americans find it easier to accept homosexuality than to accept BDSM. A moment's thought will convince you of the silliness of that claim. Which is Joe Average gonna find scarier, Mark tying Patricia to the bed, or Mark kissing Patrick? Mr. Saletan apparently thinks they will be more alarmed at Mark tying Patricia to the bed. Mr. Saletan is nuts. Or dissemblig.

Early on in his post Saletan makes the point that "mild bondage is no big deal" and my tastes are very mild. A lot of the stuff I see on Kink.com promos make me wince, not to mention what I've found on other BDSM sites. Kink.com is supposed to be the very pinnacle of safe and sane and consensual, but I don't care for pain at all. I understand that others like pain, but it squicks me past a certain point. But I'm not going to oppose individuals' right to enjoy what they like because it squicks me. And I sort of have the impression that that is exactly what Saletan is doing.

I don't know if Saletan's post is from sheer ignorance ignorant, so I have to consider that this may be a hatchet job. If it is, I doubt it will work. With 65 million copies of Fifty Shades of Grey sold, Saletan is whistling past the graveyard. The mommies like their kinky sex. Saletan is welcome not to like it, but he's an idiot if he thinks he can make a blanket statement about what the mainstream will or will not accept, when the mainstream has ALREADY spoken loudly and definitively on the topic.

Is Fifty Shades of Grey Public Domain?

First published on 3/8/2013

I'm still following the progress of the Fifty Shades of Grey phenomenon in the media, but there has not been much to report on, as it has mostly devolved into increasingly wild speculation about who will play the leads in the movie. So when a bit of actual news comes along, I'm all ears. And some has.

The first actual news I've seen in a while indicates that Smash Pictures, the creators of a porn parody of "Fifty Shades of Grey," is being sued on violation of copyright grounds by Universal Pictures, which owns the movie rights to "Fifty Shades of Grey." Seems the porn people didn't do an adequate job of filing the serial numbers off!

Now I personally think the story in Fifty Shades of Grey is different enough from Twilight that there's no question that it's not copyright infringement, and I'm guessing Random House's legal department agrees with me, as they greenlit purchasing Fifty Shades.

The defense of Smash Pictures is that "Masters of the Universe," the original story written by EL James, on which Fifty Shades is based, and which was published on a Twilight fanfic website as fanfic, was in the public domain, and that therefore, Fifty Shades itself is in the public domain. For a detailed analysis of the Masters of the Universe fanfic and its relation to Fifty Shades I'll refer you to the Obsidian Wings website's analysis.

Smash Pictures' contention is that since Master of the Universe was published initially as fanfic without any copyright claims, and that since it essentially IS Fifty Shades of Grey, the work is in the public domain and Smash Pictures can't be violating Fifty Shades' copyright.

I don't have the legal chops to speak on the matter of whether or not Master of the Universe's original provenance puts Fifty Shades into public domain territory or not. But my cynical self tends to see that legal cases are generally decided in favor of the person or corporation that has the most money/legal resources. That would be Universal Studios. In any event, publishers, legal experts, movie studios and the fanfic community will be watching this one with great interest.

Domestic Bondage On SMBC Theater

First published on 2/17/2013

A Youtube channel called SMBC Theater has come up with an actually funny bit about sexual bondage play. They called it 50 Shades of Domestic Gray but I think that's just to attract visitors, the skit actually has little or nothing to do with the book Fifty Shades of Grey. Point is: it's actually funny. Lighthearted and fun. Enjoy!

The S.E.C.R.E.T. of No Success

First published on 2/6/2013

This one was so predictable that I am surprised it has taken until now for it to happen. Publishers have decided that then Next Big Thing after Fifty Shades of Grey will be a sexy, sexy novel with lots and lots of vanilla sex and not all that problematical kinky sex, and they've found their book, they think: S.E.C.R.E.T., a relentlessly vanilla sexy novel by Canadian author Lisa Gabriele (writing as L. Marie Adeline).

At the Frankfort book fair, publishers bid the novel up to a six-figure advance against sales in 30 different territories worldwide. The widespread success of Fifty Shades has clearly left publishers hungry for a repeat, but these particular publishers are clueless gits. I predict that S.E.C.R.E.T. will go just as far as the publishers' marketing machine can push it, there'll be no worldwide cascade of interest. After the marketing machine push is over, it'll drop like a lead balloon, going only so far as its astroturf runway permits.

It was the kinky sex, specifically the dominance/submission relationship between Ana and Christian, that made Fifty Shades of Grey so popular. The importance of the kinky sex is so freaking obvious that even the mainstream media reviewers sometimes saw it, but I can just SEE the publishers wishfully thinking, "Well this book has plenty of sex, and none of that problematical kinky sex!"

Fools. If S.E.C.R.E.T. were a stock and I were a stockbroker, I'd wait til it hit a hundred thousand copies sold (the outer limit of where its astroturf sales will go) and then I'd short it like crazy. Of course, I would be foolish to bet actual money on its failure, as I have a personal animus toward the book and would LOVE to see it fail so hard that its publisher's grandchildren wet themselves every time they heard the word "secret."

GQ Fifty Shades of Grey Inspired Photo Spread Features Actual Bondage ... Of A Woman!

First published on 2/6/2013

The flying monkeys brought in news that GQ Magazine's Spanish edition has a hot "Fifty Shades of Grey"-inspired photo spread. I checked it out dutifully, certain I'd see no bondage at all, or a dude in bondage. Because that's fashion bondage for ya. So my eyeballs bugged out a little when the photos included SEVERAL images of a couple with the WOMAN in chains, cuffs, etc. And blindfolded, of course. Good lord, has Fifty Shades become such a powerful media force that even the dunderheads who do fashion photo shoots are starting to get it?

Hmm. This could be an outlier. I'm having trouble giving up the notion that fashion is run by idiots. I'll wait for further evidence. Yeah ... it's gotta be an outlier.

Midori "Gets" Fifty Shades of Grey

First publised on 2/1/2013

I've become so used to BDSM folks dissing 50 Shades of Grey because it does not portray a perfect, idealized BDSM relationship (and honestly, gets a lot of stuff wrong) that I was extremely pleased to discover a positive quote from one of the leading lights of the bondage community, rope bondage expert Midori, who has already made an appearance on Politically Sexy.com. Midori said:

Xtra: Would you say EL James’s novel Fifty Shades of Grey has had an influence on the world of bondage?
Midori: Sure it has. It’s given the general culture permission to explore a wider range of sexual expression. It’s about opening a dialogue.

Source: Xtra Canada's Gay and Lesbian News. Midori gets it! Fifty Shades of Grey, whatever its flaws as a work of art, has allowed people in mainstream culture to explore BDSM without getting the "EEEEWS" and the "double ickies!" all over themselves. For this alone it is great benefit to BDSM culture. But everybody's gotta protect their own special vision of what BDSM is or can be, so a lot of BDSM folks have taken the short & easy road to dissing "Fifty Shades of Grey" as a way of showing their superiority. Sure, we get it, you know stuff. But still ... so short-sighted! So dumb! The folks like Midori who actually do have their act together know better.

Fifty Shades of Grey Seedlings

First published on 1/24/2013

Kink.com is not the only bondage-related thing that is getting mainstreamed of late. "Soft" bondage, whatever that is, is also taking off according to a report in Entertainmentwise.com, which is not exactly a fetish site, as you'll note.

The article, basically a fluff piece, interviews James Deen (known well from Kink.com) who is fast becoming the go-to guy as bondage's most well-known star and a manufacturer of a line of sex aids/toys called Liberator (There may be some sexism going on here, there have been MANY well-known and successful women who have promoted and advanced sexual bondage over the years ... Midori, Lorelei Imboch, Chanta Rose, the list is very long indeed, yet James Deen is the go-to source for the press. Well at least they are going to someone who actually does bondage.)

The Liberator people obligingly ascribe the upward boost in sales of their products to an increase of awareness of "soft" bondage and interest in it, created by "50 Shades of Grey." And they're probably right. I'm seeing other articles in which bondage is being matter-of-factly described as a culture phenomenon rather than some bizarre fetish, like this one on celebrity bondage looks from Hollywoodife.com, which asks which actress looks best in leather "bondage" fashion.

What I see happening is that the effects of Fifty Shades of Grey are beginning to appear in our culture. Fifty million seeds have been planted, their effects are invisible as they grow in our collective unconscious, now we see the first tiny shoots poking above the unconscious into mainstream media. Gonna be interesting to watch and see what grows, and how it grows.

Filthy Shades of Grey?

First pubished on 1/13/2013

Kelly Marcel, the screenwriter for the upcoming 50 Shades of Grey movie, says the movie is gonna be RAUNCHY, that they are going for an NC-17 rating. The news is all over the entertainment blogs.

I'm kind of amazed, and surprised, and frankly, cynical. There is a long distance between a screenplay and the final movie. Frankly, to have the movie come out as raunchy as some of the scenes in the books, you'd need some hardcore scenes indeed, because there ARE scenes in the books where Christian ties Ana up thoroughly, gags her and fucks her.

I'm betting the studio execs will get cold feet at the thought of trying to make an NC-17 hit franchise film. If the film is NOT raunchy, it will be a flop, because the readers clearly liked the raunchy elements of the books. But the conventional wisdom is that NC-17 does not produce blockbuster hits. You gotta get the kids in there! And even though the thought of Fifty Shades of Grey that's clean enough for the kiddies is patently ridiculous, well, anybody who ever read the Gor novels would have said the same thing about a Gor movie ... and look what we wound up with.

Warning Tremors

First published on 1/9/2013

Found an article on Alternet wondering when BDSM became so wildly popular. The interesting element of the article was its date: it was published in June 2010, well before the advent of "Fifty Shades of Grey."

The people at Alternet definitely showed some prescience in running such an article just ahead of Fifty Shades of Grey, clearly someone at the progressive site was feeling the advance tremors of the cultural volcano that is Fifty Shades of Grey.

The tremors were as nothing to the explosion, of course. What the article cites is things like the success of Kink.com and kink no longer being considered a mental illness and Christina Aguilera's kinky outfits she wore in music video, and Aguilera's predecessor, Madonna with her Sex book back in the 80s (which if I recall, was a bomb).

All in all it is weak beer compared to Fifty Shades of Grey, the equivalent of the filler material my flying monkeys brought in for posts to jam in between the tons of stuff they brought in about Fifty Shades this summer -- only scattered over a couple of decades instead of a few months, because there just wasn't that much going on in the mainstream wrt BDSM.

When you got the top three books on the New York Times bestseller list containing a story of bondage, dominance and spanking, fifty million copies sold mostly to soccer moms, and James Deen (see above) an idol of teenaged girls in America, well you are in a WHOLE DIFFERENT BALLPARK. But to be fair, Alternet's contributors knew SOMETHING was up, more than you could say about a lot of the mainstream media.

Of course, some people, such as me, were feeling the tremors six years ago. What can I say? Prescient!

2012: Afterthoughts

First published on 1/14/2013

OK, let's get this out of the way: by FAR the biggest thing to happens in the realm of bondage, ebooks, erotic fiction, romance fiction and arguably publishing itself was "Fifty Shades of Grey." I've already written at length on the topic, so I'll keep it brief. The thing that made "Fifty Shades" special wasn't just that it was a book featuring scene of bondage and dominance, but who read it: it was women, mostly, lots and lots of women, and not just young Goth girls looking for something to read while getting a skull tattooed on their butts, but older women: "soccer moms" which is THE prime demographic for many, many advertisers.

The news that soccer moms like to read about women in maledom/femsub relationships did not surprise me at all: I RP in SL Gor, where women outnumber men almost two to one, and all a guy has to do to find a naked slavegirl chained to him is stand still long enough for them to find him. But I think the news that ordinary women like bondage set the mainstream back on its heels, even though the romance genre of which erotic fiction is a subset has always had more than its share of "bodice ripper" stories.

Nothing else that happened in 2012 that I know of had anything LIKE the impact of 50 Shades of Grey on the bondage community/industry/whatevs (though having said that, I am totally prepared to find history proving me wrong).

Another trend I am liking is honest, straightforward blogging by women who are either real life submissives talking about their lives like the author of Down the Rabbit Hole, or sex industry pros like bondage model Cherry Torn and former prostitute The Honest Courtesan, who are talking honestly about THEIR lives and interests instead of just using their blogs as marketing tools.

I think it's great that these voices have found expression online, and I hope they become more popular, and teach everyone that people who are submissives or who work in the sex industry are not mysterious others who can be marginalized and ignored, they're people, just like anybody else. Soccer moms who took the dare their subconscious minds made with them, perhaps.

People call this the "mainstreaming" of BDSM, as if it were merely the inclusion of BDSM topics in mainstream media, but I see it as something more profound, or at the very least, I HOPE it is something more profound, a sort of cultural maturing about matters sexual, a recognition that sexual power fantasies can be acted out in real life, that does not make them any less fantasies, nor justify treating people as the object of such fantasies without their consent.

Now, would somebody please call the prudes and the prudo-feminists and let them know we have this matter all hashed out?

Fifty Shades of News Bits

First published on 12/21/2012

Fifty Shades of Gray has inspired a workout. Do tell. Bandwagon-jumping continues apace. They've also got a new video out of George Takei reading Fifty Shades of Grey aloud which is SUPPOSED to be hilarious, and to have gone viral, but I watched it, and ... meh. So no link!

Also, a cogent and interesting analysis of the prospects for a Fifty Shades of Grey movie that predicts the movie will be bizarre. If it's bizarre, I think that will be a success, because that means somebody will have TRIED to make it work. I think it will just suck. But do read the analysis, and if you like, my response in the comments section.

Fifty Shades of India

First published on 12/15/2012

A report in The Times of India announces that the Fifty Shades of Grey phenomenon is sweeping through country, sparking interest in BDSM in this one billion strong nation. The Times is reporting on the formation of The Kinky Collective a Delhi-based 15-person strong group that provides support for lovers of BDSM.

Wait ... 15 people? India? In India, 15 people is an empty room! Good lord, this is a trend sweeping the nation? Really?

One sense that the author fervently hopes so. If it were, they might have something sexy to report on in a nation that the story admits has a reputation for being very conservative sexually. To wit, it's prudish.

In addition to being prudish, Indian society is sexist and violent. So the search for good news about sex in India that's not completely bad probably gets kinda desperate at times. Here's a good article on all the sexism and violence toward women in India. Most of the violence and sexism appears to be in the rural and poor elements of India, which despite the rise of a detectable middle class in India, still constitutes one hell of a lot of people, the majority of that one billion. Jezebel recently got in on the issue, but Times of India does a much better job of covering it, as you might expect.

In an overwhelmingly violent, sexist culture like the ones many Indians live in, all sexual relationships are going to be profoundly affected by the sexism and violence. I guess if you are wealthy enough and sufficiently privileged, or sufficiently alienated from Indian society (the Kinky Collective was started by a couple, one of whom is transgendered -- hmmm) you might be able to figure your only sane path is to just go your own way, but most women are probably too afraid that men will tie then up and rape them for real to enjoy pretending that a man is tying them up and raping them for consensual kinky fuckery.

I don't know, it's a knotty problem, figuratively speaking. It's tempting to feel cheap moral superiority from the outside, but probably a bad idea, which is why I'm not gonna do it. I suspect that the only reasonable path is to take on the sexism and violence and put an end to it, which is what most reasonable people can agree on. How? Gonna be hard, gonna be a rough slog, as many of the originators of the sexism and violence are illiterate, young, poor and male, a hard group to reach. But most of them have mothers and sisters, and with the same kind of full court press that has been applies in other societies, they'll learn. Sadly, they will almost inevitably learn ... eventually, which will do little good for the women being victimized now.

In the meantime, maybe Fifty Shades of Grey will provide a nice fantasy of kinky, romantic love for those Indians that are at liberty to enjoy it, and perhaps it can preach the subversive message that pretendy sexual submission is all fun and can last throughout a lifetime, while the real thing is nasty, short and brutish.

Random House Buys Lena Dunham's Grocery List for $3.7 Million

First published on 12/12/2012

E.L. James and Lena Dunham have one thing in common: they are both women who won the Writing Lottery, gaining incomes in millions of dollars for writing books. (Dunham hasn't written her book yet, she scored a $3.7 million advance on the basis of a 66-page book proposal).

The other thing that they have in common is that their talent does not at all match the rewards they have won (that's why I call it the Writing Lottery -- more on that later). I'm not saying that neither of them is talented, or hard-working, just that the products they produce are, well ... kinda mediocre.

If there were some sort of meritocracy involved in who got money for writing, John Crowley would have scored a 500 million dollar advance for his novel "Little, Big" which is so much better than anything that James and Dunham have ever written or done that it's literally (not figuratively) beyond comparison.

(You may think I am not in a position to judge Dunham's book, as it has not been written yet, but it just so happens I am: Gawker got hold of her entire book proposal and published it online. I didn't read the whole proposal, just glanced at it when the flying monkeys dropped it off. And I CAN'T read it now and you can't either, because Gawker took the proposal down after Dunham's lawyer threatened legal action if they kept it up. However, Gawker DID leave up 12 lines from the proposal which they hilariously appended to demonstrate how self-involved and silly the book proposal is. Read it, it's hilarious.)

Also, I have seen or tried to watch several eps of Lena's HBO series "Girls" which is a lot better than her book proposal but still kinda mediocre. Of course, I am not the demographic for her series (self-involved coastal twenty-somethings who are either wealthy or wannabe wealthy -and who doesn't wannabe wealthy? But still, I know mediocre when I see it, and this is high mediocre ... it doesn't challenge you on any level, unless you are one of those people who is perpetually challenged by the thought that twenty-something women have sex and like it, in which case I'd have to say you're just plain old challenged. Some of the dialogue is kinda witty, the characters are not entirely superficial, impressive for someone Dunham's age, but not brilliant stuff at all.

I think the reason Dunham won the Writing Lottery are almost entirely demographic. She's a rich, pretty (I mean real life pretty, Dunham is Hollywood ugly), smart, Jewish woman living in New York City. Now there are a TON of rich, pretty, smart, Jewish women living in New York City who have not won the Writing Lottery. But Dunham did a few things right. She made a an indie film called "Tiny Furniture" that got some buzz, parlayed that into her HBO series "Girls", and has parlayed the premium cable success of "Girls" into a $3.7 million book deal.

In fact, the art that Dunham has show the most skill at is The Art of the Deal, arguably. I don't see the book deal so much as a reward for great achievement as a case of rich, Jewish, New York publishers anointing One Of Their Own with $3.7 million for being able to do the literary equivalent of toddling about without falling over.

I mean, when Stephen King was writing bestsellers every time he put pen to paper and each bestseller became a successful movie, people were joking that publishers were bidding on the chance to buy his grocery lists. Well, guess what? According to the Gawker article, "Fully 13% of the proposal's pages are devoted to reproducing a diary Dunham kept of what she ate in 2010." Yes, Random House ACTUALLY IS buying Dunham's shopping list for $3.7 million!

Now I can't blame Dunham for being willing to accept this largesse -- I'd be willing to accept it too, if it were offered to me, even on the basis of me fitting the demographic and my grocery lists being the thing to be published. But it does exemplify everything I HATE about the traditional publishing industry -- centered in New York, insular, greedy, myopic, and prone to exploit anyone it can for money, while wasting money on mediocrities that fit its demographic. (Remember when about half of all mainstream novels were about middle aged men, generally academics or publishing industry folks, who were living in the Northeast (often New York) and cheating on their wives while experiencing Mid-Life-Crisis?).

Contrast this with E.L. James and Fifty Shades. I give James higher points for originality and challenging work -- the reason Fifty Shades succeeded was that it did beautifully integrate its BDSM themes into the traditional romance novel structure. Of course, James had a lot of help, after reading the Obsidian Wings website's account of how the Twilight community helped her with editing and feedback, it might reasonable have been given the byline, "By E.L. James, with considerable help and support from the Twilight fanfic community."

But the fact that James started her book out as straight up fanfic under the name “Icedragon Snowqueen” shows me that she started out just wanting to write a story that she enjoyed and cared about, working with the Twilight community to make her book better in a very humble and creative way. There was no Art of the Deal here, just Art, pure and simple.

In fact, it was the Twilight and online community that made "Fifty Shades" a success. They bought the online version in droves, and when Amazon's numbers showed Fifty Shades beating the crap out of the sales of the traditional publishing industry's bestsellers in the online marketplace without a BIT of help from all the publicists, agents and marketers that were flogging THEIR books, well, it didn't take a LOT of brains to see that the thing to do was to get that book printed up and in stores and get the hype machine going for it.

So, even though E.L. James just an average-looking Brit middle-aged housewife with no connections to the New York Publishing industry (the book had originally been published by Australian outfit that specialized in publishing converted fanfic to non-fanfic after the process called “filing the numbers off” had been completed), the publishing industry started a bidding war over her manuscript, netting her milions when Random House won.

But here's the difference between what Random House bought from James and what Random House bought from Dunham: James' book was a completed manuscript that had already been proven an online bestseller, beating THEIR bestseller. It was NOT a 66-page writeup, 13 percent of which consisted of a listing of what foods James at in 2010.

You see the difference? A purely economic decision, no demographics involved, for the seven-figure advance James got for her book. (I can't find any more definite figure for E.L. James' advance than “seven figures” so it could be as little as $1 million or as much as $9 million … I would not be surprised at all to learn that it was less than what Dunham got for her book proposal.)

Now in my opinion James' book is a pretty good romance novel, but not a great one, and not a great book. It is mostly a triumph of technique, like John Norman's Gor novels, of seamlessly integrating BDSM sexuality into an existing genre (in Norman's case, sword and sandal fantasy adventures).

But the point is, it got bought because it was loved by its readers and fans, not the publishers whose first instinct would be to ignore such a book. “Fifty Shades” got thrust upon the publishing industry, the publishing industry did not thrust it on readers, as is their usual practice. That in my mind has merit. The book may not be great literature, but people love it.

If you want to read a GREAT novel, try John Crowley's fantasy novel “Little, Big.” It has no BDSM sex in it, and although there is sex it is not at all graphic. But what it is, is beautifully written, with an imagination on a scale that takes you completely into another world, in a very sly and intelligent way. THIS is a book that succeeds of merit. All I know of John Crowley is that he lives in the Northeast and does research for film and video documentaries for a living. He may be Jewish, wealthy, a New Yorker, or not, I don't know, and I don't care. HIS book has merit. WHATEVER the means by which it was published (I'm betting an editor read it and fell in love with it as so many have) is all right with me.

But I'm pretty sure that Little Big did not get any seven figure book advance. I REALLY doubt it got six figures. Five figures … maybe, I think Crowley had several books published by the time “Little, Big” came out. But it could easily have been just four figures, it's fantasy. But, damn … what a MASTERPIECE. Read it, I dare you. Used copies are for sale real cheap over at Amazon if your finances are straightened.

Now the marketing machinery is going to grind out its releases for Dunham's book, and for all I know, it may be good, but I doubt it. It is clearly, “Item designed to appeal to readers for a variety of demographic reasons.” So do yourself a favor. Buy Little, Big, instead, or search out some good fanfic that might appeal to you. Don't let Random House recoup its stupidly given advance to Dunham with your dollars.

5000 Shades of Grey

First published on 12/11/2012

I read with pleasure that Random House is giving $5000 to each and every employee of the company who has been with them for more than a year, right down to the lowliest janitor and administrative assistant, in celebration of the tremendous success of "Fifty Shades of Grey" which has sold almost 50 million copies worldwide, at one point constituting one out of every five books being purchased by adults.

I applaud Random House for their brave generosity at a time when corporations in general are behaving with incredible stupid dickishness toward their employees and customers in reaction to the Democratic election victory. For example, Applebee's Restaurants, Papa John's restaurants, and Darden, the Corporate Monster that owns Red Lobster, Longhorn Steaks and Olive Garden have all announced moves that will decrease employees' wages, hours or status (moving from full time to part time) explaining that the now-likely continuation of Obamacare into law "necessitated" it.

In contrast with this sort of corporate dickishness, Random House looks really great!

However, I am not entirely delighted by the bonus, because I think part of it comes as a result of a capitalist organization looting a gift economy. I am referring of course to the Twilight fanfic community from which Fifty Shades of Grey. Remember, it started out as a straight up fanfic called "Master of the Universe" by Icedragon Snowqueen (James' pen name for fanfic) with characters lifted straight from the book.

And a key part of what made "Master of the Universe" and by extension, "Fifty Shades of Grey," so successful, was the work that some Twilight fans put into Master of the Universe for free, editing it skillfully to take it up another notch. Obsidian Wings wrote about their work, with examples. Clearly they had a LOT to do with the story's success, much more than most Random House employees.

Of course, the Twilight fanfic editors got nothing for their work. They did not sign a contract or anything like that, they just edited a story they liked, because they liked it, expecting nothing more in return than the thanks of the community and the chance to read the story.

Still, it does.not.seem.right!

Now I know legally the Twilight fanfic editors are entitled to nothing. But so often, what's legal has little to do with what is ethical. And I don't think this is a problem that could be solved by giving some Twilight fanfic editors a few thousand dollars (though it WOULD be the right thing to do!). But I do believe we are going to have to eventually deal with the moral issues of capitalist organizations essentially looting gift economies, and giving nothing in return. Perhaps quite soon, if publishers continue trolling the Twilight fanfic community for new works to publish.

Coming up soon: E.L. James vs. Lena Dunham vs. John Crowley. Really!

Fifty Shades of Lame Party Game

First Published on 12/72012

As Fifty Shades of Grey the book has spread out into mass culture, one of the things I've envisioned happening to it has happened: in at least one instance, it has had the kink bowlerized right out of it. I mean, completely: let me introduce you to the Fifty Shades of Grey party game, a game that has no kink in it whatsoever.

Basically, it's a card game in which people are asked a series of vanilla questions and then they try to guess most accurately who would be a good match for the answer, or something along those lines. It's generic embarrassing sexy-ish party drivel. As one commenter on the Cafe Mom post but it, "It's one of those games designed to be a gift you give someone to embarrass them at a party, but which will never be played."

I've tried to figure out why anyone would sell a "Fifty Shades" branded item that is sure to disappoint all of the 50 million people who have bought the book, and all I can figure is a combination of greed, short-sightedness and cynicism. The game-makers objective is to sell as many units as possible, that's all. And they figure that having branded the game "Fifty Shades" they've done all they need to in order to attract people who read the book, so now they are after the dollars of people who have not read the book and probably don't even like it's subject matter. So they squeeze the bondage content right out of the game, so Aunt Sarah in Dubuque who doesn't like sex at all won't find it too offensive.

Of course, word of mouth will kill this game dead, and I'm happy to report that all three reports I've read about the game in various media point out that it's very vanilla, in varying degrees of subtlety. (CafeMom is the most blunt of the group, but then, they've got an active group of readers and responders who won't let them get away with crap.)

There IS a Red Room Expansion pack, totally undescribed in any report I've read, which MAY have kinky content, but really, if there is a more classic case of throwing good money after bad than buying the Red Room Expansion Pack, I don't know what it might be.

Celebrity Bondage Safety Tips

First published on 12/2/2012

The Celebrity Cafe, a big fan of Fifty Shades of Grey, or at least publishing posts about it, is doing what is very much the right thing by publishing a set of celebrity bondage safety tips by practicing submissive and erotica author Joey Hill. We're passing the tips along to you. A lot of the imagery of bondage you'll find online is very complex tie ups by the folks like those at Kink.com. They know what they are doing, both tier-uppers and tie-ees, so don't try this stuff at home unless you've had some training. Emergency room visits will suck the fun right out of any bondage session.

The other reason we're posting about it is, more evidence of a sea-change brought about by Fifty Shades, when a blog entitled "The Celebrity Cafe" is publishing BDSM safety tips. How long before we have celebrities giving bondage safety tips? Oh, about as long as it takes for the Fifty Shades of Grey movie to hit the theaters, and the cast to be doing publicity tours. Will they be as good as Hill's? Doubtful in the extreme.

By the way, the post's opening line is worth quoting:

There is a growing interest in bondage in the bedroom, and many of my readers are giving it a try in an effort to spice up their sex lives. It’s fun and feels a little bit dangerous, like a roller coaster, right? But you know why a roller coaster is so thrilling? Because deep down you – the rider – know you’re safe, and the designer and operator intend to keep you that way from beginning to end.

Good BDSM practices are the same.

Ahead of My Time ... Six Years Ago

First published on 11/27/2012

Found this old thread I started on Literotica six years ago ... wow. I had noticed a lot of mildly kinky stories in various "hot" imprints of various romance publishers and correctly deduced that there was a lot interest in BDSM style romances among those readers. I wondered if the form would evolve further.

What I did not anticipate, of course, is that romance readers would abandon traditional romance publishes for ebook publishers en masse, or that fanfic would be the source of a whole new generation of romance writers with much more direct and powerful ways of writing about sex.

Resulting in Fifty Shades of Grey, of course. But still ... I knew SOMETHING was up ...

Why There Will Never Be Another Fifty Shades of Grey

First published on 11/23/2012

I didn't like Fifty Shades of Grey as a read. Not because it was badly written, it struck me as well written in many respects. I didn't like it because it was a romance, and I generally don't like romances. Too much characterization and plot development, not enough sex. I'm a guy, what can I say?

I was pleased, however, that the kinky sex was quite kinky, I had feared that the kink would be watered-down stuff ... you know, blindfolds and eating strawberries off the tummy, etc., ... the old 9 1/2 Weeks treatment. But it was not. Cuffs, chains, gags and ben wa balls, oh my! Also, the characters really loved and enjoyed their kinky sex, and James did a great job of portraying that, something she did not get much credit for, among other things.

Also, I don't read a lot of kinky fiction, since I write kinky fiction, thus, reading other people's kinky fiction is a busman's holiday kind of thing.

That's why I read the book, not recreationally, but because I realized it was an IMPORTANT book, part of several important breaking cultural phenomena, the most important of which was the more widespread acceptance of BDSM sexual fantasies among women (“mommies") but also the rise of fanfic as an acceptable form of writing, and hopefully, the demise of traditional big publishers in favor of self-publishers and small publishers that actually serve their authors and readers' interests. (it's hilarious the way the big publishers are now trolling the Twilight fanfic community for "the next 50 Shades of Grey").

I also think much of the criticism is incredibly superficial, concentrating on minor stylistic errors ("Oh my!" and dancing inner goddesses) which bothered me not at all when I read Fifty Shades. Or they criticized Fifty Shades for having a male protagonist and a relationship which were not poster children for good BDSM practices. (HELLOOOOOOO! It's a work of FICTION! It's supposed to be DRAMATIC! If Ana and Christian's characters and relationships had been role models for BDSM, NO ONE would have read the books because they would have been TOO FRICKING DULL!!!!)

Also, the critics have left out some VERY GOOD ASPECTS of Fifty Shades of Grey in terms of social responsibility that are not present in most romances. The topic of contraception comes up early in Christian and Ana's relationship, plans are made and carried out, it's not ignored or neglected as in so many romances. There is also much emphasis on communication and trust in the relationship. Christian almost always is very careful to get Ana's explicit, enthusiastic permission for whatever high-jinks he is up to. It's something that NEVER happens in your average bodice ripper (which is OK, they're FICTION, they aren't sex eduation manuals, just as Fifty Shades of Grey is fiction) but it's nice to see it happen in Fifty Shades. The WHOLE STORY is about the way Christian and Ana build a real, trusting relationship instead of the superficial paid sub/dom contractual relationship that Christian initially offers Ana.

(Ana NEVER signs the contract in the book, you have NO IDEA how many times I've read posts by writers who inadvertently revealed themselves to be lazy, lying idiots because they say at some point that Ana signed the contract. It's a KEY point and they missed it … probably because they never read the book. Of course some admit straight up that they never read the book when they write articles dissing it, and that's all kinds of sad. Do your homework, people.)

Reading all the stupid, stupid criticisms of the book has been tough. I set up news agents to bring me articles about Fifty Shades of Grey and related topics early in 2012 (like, February or so) and I would estimate I have read well over 300 articles a month (a conservative estimate, probably more like 1000 a month in late spring and summer when the media finally caught on to the phenomenon) on the topic of Fifty Shades of Grey, and the vast majority are incredibly stupid and superficial. I realize that that's largely because big aggregator sites like the Huffington Post, Gather and the Examiner hire whatever stupid-ass word monkeys they can get to write for them for the glorious sum of … NOTHING … and the ones who DO pay, pay so little it wouldn't keep a budgie in sunflower seeds so they get intellectual mouth-breathers writing for them, too … but still, it's MADDENING to see so many thousands of displays of stupidity and butt ignorance displayed as if it were intelligent, insightful commentary, completely missing the key points about Fifty Shades time after time after time.

It's exactly like being a progressive and watching Fox News, only Fox News is everywhere and nobody knows it's Fox News. Whenever I find intelligent, insightful analysis of Fifty Shades I post it to my blog immediately because, at last, a pony under all that horse manure!

Still, I am glad I did set up those news agents and read all those articles (OK, the obviously stupid one like “who will they cast to be Christian Grey in the movie?” got no more than a glance, and they constitute the majority of the posts I've seen) because it's put me in a catbird seat to see the way the media responds to a big cultural phenomenon.

I first became aware of it via publishing sites which started taking note of this former fanfic ebook that was THE best selling ebook, selling hundreds of thousands of copies despite the fact that it had virtually no marketing muscle. Fifty Shades was beating the books that the big publishers were hawking with ALL their marketing muscle, primarily because the Twilight fandom from which it arose were completely behind it. The Obsidian Wings website still has the best coverage of this part of the phenomenon.

The early articles tended to be more intelligent and accurate and on point than what came later, mainly because they were looking at Fifty Shades as a phenomenon. One thing the early articles didn't do that later articles DID do, massively, is miss one of the KEY issues of Fifty Shades, which is that it was ALREADY an ebook bestseller when Vintage Books bought the rights to it in a fierce bidding war. THAT'S why James got a six-figure advance for the rights to the book -- they were buying a book that was already a bestseller, all they did was buy the right to print it in paperback and hardback and put their marketing muscle behind it. Publishers don't have bidding wars over books that are not sure things.

It's kind of suspicious that so many reviewers, posters and commentators missed the importance of the fanfic community in promoting Fifty Shades and making it what it was: it gives the impression that it was just another instance of the traditional publishing meme of a Wonderful Big Time Publisher giving an Unknown But Deserving Writer a shit-ton of money for being so good at what she does, when it was actually Big Time Publishing using money to muscle in on a sure thing created by Internet fandom.

Once Fifty Shades started selling in the millions, the coverage immediately got dumber. It started off with a lot of posts showing genuine bewilderment: what were all these “mommies” doing liking hardcore BDSM porn (which was how Fifty Shades was portrayed, and to be fair, it did have strong BDSM scenes and content)? There was a combination of prurient interest (“Soccer moms wearing ballgags, oh my!”) bewilderment (“Women are reading … BDSM porn? Bwuh?”) and some but not much viewing with alarm (“Women are reading porn! The sky is falling!”)

Once the book was selling in the tens of millions and showed no sign of slowing down, the viewing with alarm increased, and people started coming up with reasons why Fifty Shades is a phenomenon, most of them shallow and bogus. And people started bandwagonning furiously. Every erotic romance that any publisher bought the rights to was “The next 50 Shades” (and still is). Every poster on every blog had to call at least ONE post “Fifty Shades of (fill in the blank)” no matter how unrelated it was to the book. I mean, I think there was some kind of Internet law, or maybe a contest.

Criticism of the book cranked up, as the author's copious use of “Oh my” “inner goddess” and lip biting apparently rendered Fifty Shades unreadable for many delicate souls – but it was NEVER (well, rarely ever) the BDSM content or the romance novel elements that bothered any of them, they had NO ISSUE with those, oh, no! These delicate souls could HANDLE BDSM.

This is when viewing with alarm started happening, as many did not welcome the trend toward mommies reading BDSM porn. Religious types didn't like it because of the sex. Prudo-feminists didn't like it because maledom/femsub was not one of their approved sexual modes. And there were also the people who think that bestsellerdom is a meritocracy, so they viewed it with alarm too, because it had all those stylistic errors and it was a romance, let's face it. It's been going on since, but has never really drowned out the overwhelming message of surprise that greeted Fifty Shades and continues to be its main message: “Mommies like kinky porn!”

Plus, as the sales figures indicate, those who dislike Fifty Shades have not made any noticeable dent in its success.

Another thing that happened when the book really cranked on the mainstream media is you started to see how the media machine was working on the Web. With traditional print media the machine's work is seamless: stories get placed, planted, picked up, often in conjunction with advertising. There's never a quid pro quo, of course, but everybody who plays the game knows how the game is played. Favors get done, deals get made, the wheels of commerce spin and the big publishers, distributors, etc., get their products publicized as they like and are willing to pay … how else do you think Snooki's book got on the New York Times Top Ten bestseller list?

But the Web is different, not everybody is part of the traditional media machine, and even those that are sometimes don't behave like they are. But it was interesting to see the big aggregator sites like Huffington Post, Gather, Patch, etc., and the online versions of traditional media, picking up the stories about Fifty Shades like they were on a schedule. Or more likely, passive receivers of whatever came in on the transom, and the agents and publicists were making sure that what came in on the transom was Fifty Shades stuff.

Whereas the way independent, weird sites like Politically Sexy covered Fifty Shades was much more random, because nobody was trying to place stories (or, sigh … ads) with us.

Over time the surge of stories directly about the book Fifty Shades of Grey have lagged. They have been replaced by endless speculation about the movie, mostly who will be cast in the lead male role. (There has been speculation about who will play the lead female role as well, but I think it's fair to say that the vast majority of people who read the gossip blogs that are totally covering this story are primarily interested in the male lead.) There has also been plenty of bandwagon-jumping, and an increase in prudo-feminist and social conservative viewing with alarm.

Oh, and a huge proportion of the bondage-related scandal and crime stories that deal with female submission/enslavement have had Fifty Shades tied in with them. The most egregious: a recent story about a wealthy female banker in Britain who sued to divorce her husband because he would not give her any Fifty Shades type fun, and a women's shelter, also in Britain, which plans to recycle copies of Fifty Shades as toilet paper. (Well if you can't distinguish between consensual BDSM and domestic abuse. I can see how Fifty Shades might alarm you if you ran a women's shelter.) Basically, any story about human trafficking has a potential Fifty Slaves hook, however inappropriate, and it gets used very often.

It's obvious to me that the media buzz for Fifty Shades is being expertly milked by the publicists for whatever movie studio has the contract to make Fifty Shades, they've stretched out the casting of the leads forever. And of course there is also news of a new book being written, almost certainly new books, because as the James Bond movies show, if there's one thing those Brits know how to do, it's milk a franchise.

So I don't expect news of Fifty Shades to ever become RARE, certainly not in the next few years. Even if the movie flops, and just on general principles it probably will (see: Nine and a Half Weeks, the Gor movies and, well, everything based on a kinky book except Story of O, which was a French film) there will always be new books.

What there WON'T be, I feel confident in predicting (which generally means I am wrong) is that there will not be ANOTHER Fifty Shades of Grey. There will be other kinky erotic romances that do well in terms of sales, though probably not as well as Fifty Shades did. But there will never be another book that makes the same kind of splash that Fifty Shades did, because its success was the product of time and tides.

My theory, which is worth exactly as much as you are paying for it, is that Fifty Shades succeeded because it was a romance which featured the hot, kinky sex that most readers of the bodice-ripper species of romances have always enjoyed. However, traditional publishers like Harlequin have long acted as a brake on romances. Oh, sure, they've published “spicy” romances but there were no butt plugs, ben wa balls, ball gags or other fun stuff in them because, “Oh no, too kinky for our readers.”

Well, the readers did a student body left on the publishers and started reading ebooks which, being self-published or published by small publishers like the one who initially published Fifty Shades, were just as raunchy as they wanted to be, and what was more important, just as raunchy as their readers wanted them to be. That phenomenon cannot be repeated, though it may continue to create surprises for traditional publishers. It may be that the new model for writers will be to grow from fanfic communities and succeed on ebooks and then get bought up by traditional publishers as James did. We shall see.

But Fifty Shades will always be the book that broke the traditional publishers' stranglehold on bestsellerdom and brought BDSM relationships (as opposed to BDSM scenarios disguised as damsel in distress stories) into mainstream romances. There will never be another Fifty Shades of Grey.

Fifty Shades of Good Communication

First published on 10/31/2012

Scanning through the stuff my flying monkeys bring in from the Interwebs, particularly about "50 Shades of Grey," is a task not for the weak of heart. Most of the stories are complete fluff, or are completely stupid, thus suitable only for mocking (see previous post).

So when I come across a SMART story about 50 Shades of Gray, I gotta share. This one's from the Psychology Today website, and it is head and tails above the rest because it appears to have been written by someone who has actually read the books with an open mind, instead of having them described to them by a junior high school boy forced to read Fifty Shades of Grey against his will.

The key point of the article is that Fifty Shades is a book where the characters go to a great deal of trouble to communicate their sexual feelings. It's a key point of the book, and the focus on feelings is a hallmark of romance novels. The author notes that people may be attracted to each other purely physically, which are triggered by reading stuff like the sex scenes in Fifty Shades of Grey, but it's the play/joy circuit involved in communicating your feelings (as often occurs in sexual roleplay) which combined with trust, can lead to deeper feelings, like love. As the story says:

In 50 Shades, Ana (the main character) constantly battles with the competing urges of approach-and-avoidance, emotions that are controlled by the most ancient parts of the mammalian brain. But Christian Grey (the wealthy male character who fears close intimacy and attachment) tries his best to be gentle and kind. These genuine displays of affection stimulate the caring circuits of the brain which allow the couple to slowly build a mutually loving relationship.

Hell, yes! It's interesting that professionals like the sex educator cited in a previous article and the psychologist cited here tend to like Fifty Shades of Gray, whereas most critics are generally run of the mill bloggers, such as this bit of drivel on something called Cognescenti.com ... though it's nice to see readers giving the author a few well-deserved non-consensual kicks in the ass for confusing BDSM power play with abusive relationships.

Jezebel.com Hypocrisy: Slut-Shaming Fifty Shades of Grey Readers

First published on 10/16/2012

As I wrote in an earlier post on mainstreaming kink, I am seeing signs of a backlash against Fifty Shades of Grey and its readership in the material the flying monkeys bring in of late. All sorts of groups hate Fifty Shades of Grey. Feminists because maledom/femsub, BDSM people because Christian Grey is neurotic, social conservatives because it's sexy AND kinky sexy, literary types because it's not Great Literature ... and there's probably more, but these are the main groups with beefs.

Despite all the different groups backlashing against Fifty Shades of Grey, I felt that there was some vague underlying theme to the backlash, but I couldn't quite figure out what it was.

Until I read this very insightful review by Kristen Elizabeth on the TVequals.com website, of a recent episode of Law and Order: SVU that dealt with a Fifty Shades sort of author who got raped. The review was full of sharp points well presented, but this was the paragraph that really got me going:

It’s like we’ve finally reached a point in our society where we’re willing to let women enjoy sex…as long as it’s straight-forward, missionary position, no-kink sex. Anything else and it’s suddenly all right again to mock and shame them. If you need proof of this, just look at the backlash against 50 Shades or the way romance novels have been treated throughout history, but most especially in the past forty to fifty years. A book that is entirely about a woman having and enjoying sex or even just falling in love is dismissed as being fluff or ridiculed for being implausible…even by other women!!

And that's when it hit me: the women who are backlashing against Fifty Shades of Grey are engaging in a variation on slut-shaming. They're saying: "These women who read Fifty Shades of Grey are NOT LIKE US. They like trashy books like Fifty Shades of Grey, it's not a GOOD book like the ones we read, their fantasies are IMPURE, all WRONG, not the proper sort of fantasies for a woman to have! They like to read sexual fantasies about transforming neurotic billionaires through love! They're trashy, sexually immature, not very bright, oh might as well just say it ... SLUTTY women!"

That was what was bothering me, that hidden subtext running underneath the criticism of ALL the articles I read, most especially in the comments to the various articles and posts, like a crowd muttering obscenities while the candidate speaks, egging them on without speaking any obscenities themselves. That slut shaming.

I'm not too surprised by this sort of thing from social conservatives, they are what they are and I expect hypocrisy from them, it is after all embedded in the beliefs that make them social conservatives.

But c'mon ... Jezebel.com? That's what bothers me, that they engage in slut-shaming while loudly decrying the practice of slut-shaming when it is used with respect to things other than like Fifty Shades of Grey.

You don't have to take my word for it. Here's a list of Jezebel's articles about slut shaming, they're on the right hand side of the page, scroll down them and read as many as you like, you'll see a very clear condemnation of slut shaming.

Now here's a list of Jezebels' articles on Fifty Shades of Grey, look at all the negative, slut-shaming-ish comments embdded in them, like the one in article on "Try Not To Imagine Your Nubile Daughter in Bed Reading Kinky Sexy Books":

The fact that semiliterate sexually inexperienced children are fans of Fifty Shades of Grey actually makes perfect sense.

And you'll find much more slut-shaming type quotes in the comments at the end of the articles listed here, of course. (The article that is highlighted in the list at present is a review of the Fifty Shades of Grey Law and Order SVU episode Elizabeth reviewed. But the Jezebel review completely misses all the salient points brought up by Elizabeth in her review, though some of the commenters brought some of Elizabeth's points up. It's not ALL slut-shaming with regard to Fifty Shades of Grey, though there is far too much of it.)

The thing is, this kind of slut-shaming on Jezebel.com's part (and don't get me wrong, Jezebel is just one with the herd in doing it, all the sites do it, it's almost reflexive in most cases) is not only hypocritical with regard to their stand on the issue of slut-shaming, but just plain dumb as well. All these women who have read Fifty Shades of Grey are potential converts to the cause of sexual freedom.

"You liked Fifty Shades? Oh, isn't it great we can read books like that nowadays? Wasn't reading about all that fun they were having fun? I like that too!"

See, take that approach and maybe you have a new friend now instead of someone who thinks you're a stuck-up bitch for putting down Fifty Shades and its readers so severely. There are fifty million women who have bought Fifty Shades of Grey, more or less. MIGHT be a good idea to see if you can use the book to widen some horizons.

But hey, the appeal of a little bit of cheap moral superiority is intoxicating to many people. Ask any fan of the double standard, or anyone who wants to consider women who wear party dresses when they go out clubbing to be "deserving" rape victims.

Yeah, Jezebel.com, that IS the company you are keeping.

Arizona Women Seek Fifty Shades Online

First published on 10/10/2012

A CBS New affiliate in Phoenix, Arizona is reporting what may be the most obvious and ordinary news report ever: that Arizona woman have gone online to see Fifty Shades of Grey-like experiences!

Channel 5 in Phoenix reports that over 4,000 women have flocked to a website called seekingarrangement.com in order to seek an arrangement, which is about the vaguest term imaginable for wanting to get tied up, gagged, butt-plugged and fucked, but I guess it works in keeping the local authorities off your neck.

/me looks at the title of his blog, "Politically Sexy" and tries to look innocent.

Well what the hell, nobody's buying my secret to keeping slaves from drooling, guess I might as well dye my hair gray and start calling myself "Christian." It's a living!